walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
