the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she smelled like a LAN party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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