I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
