i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
