This girl is more easily done than said...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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