Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
