I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
