Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
