He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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