Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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