I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
