By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
