every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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