3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
