I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
