i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
