I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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