forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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