My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
