He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
