If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
