do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
