So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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