We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
