Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
