took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
