Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
