i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
