wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
