Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize