shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
