We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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