Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
