you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
