OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
