i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
