I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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