There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
