New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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