His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
