He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
