How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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