I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
