how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
