just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
