Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
