Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
