My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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