we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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