no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
