The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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