I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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