shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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