so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
