Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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