the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
