I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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