My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
