I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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