so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
