sarcasm needs its own font
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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