Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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