So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
