Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
